Relationships aren't easy these days. They're complicated, and with so many other distractions out there these days, it's hard to have someone's undivided attention. The last thing that any of us ever want to have to worry about, is being used, but unfortunately, being used can happen to the very best of us. With so many other questions always being involved in relationships, this can tend to be a question that falls by the wayside, and that's probably okay, for the most part, but when you start to suspect that something isn't right, or the red flags start waving in your face, don't ignore them. It isn't always easy to tell if you're being used, but there are certainly ways to assess your relationship, to see if you are, in fact, being used. You may not always like the answer, but it's always worth finding out, and checking out all of the resources available to you, to help find answers.
It's easy to be completely blind to what should be a lot of obvious signs, in the beginning stages of any relationship. LOVE IS INTENSE, and when we're in those beginning stages of being in love, it's often impossible to find anything wrong with our partner. It's a fun and magical time, the stars have aligned, and this wonderful person has made their way into our lives. The birds are singing, every day is a sunny day - even if it's raining cats and dogs - and we couldn't be happier. We're walking on air. Love can be such an all-encompassing emotion, and being in love is really the best feeling ever. We need to be careful though, because in the midst of all these overwhelming feelings, we may be missing out on some very important red flags that we need to be taking a closer look at. No one is going to hold up a sign that tells you they're using you, and they're probably not going to pass that information on to many other people, either, so it's important that you be aware of the signs, and know the best ways to address them, if you end up in a position where you need to. No matter how you might be feeling, if you suspect that you're being taken advantage of, then you really do need to address the issue, and do something about it. This is never easy to do, so if you're feeling intimidated, don't worry! We've got some excellent ways for you to identify if you're being used, and how you can go about confronting the situation, once you've identified it. Continue reading our FreeHookups relationship advice guide for the information you need, and don't forget to remind yourself, that no matter what the outcome, you are going to be alright.
Okay, for starters, the best relationship advice we can give is that keeping score in any relationship is never a good idea. No good can ever come of it, and when you're in a balanced relationship where things are equal, keeping score isn't usually something that you'll waste a lot of time doing. People who care about each other generally have no problems doing things for one another, but when it's a one-sided situation, you definitely do feel it, and it's never a good feeling. It feels great to do nice things for people we care about, but when you're constantly giving, and rarely receiving, you can start to feel incredibly drained and resentful. Being used never feels good, and anyone who's ever been used will be able to tell you that. The very prospect is something that, by nature, no one wants to confront. It can be very unnerving, and the outcome of confronting the issue can be that you end up experiencing a lot of hurt. IT HAS TO BE DONE, THOUGH.
This might sound a little bit funny, but it's actually not. If it happens once or twice that they forget their wallet, that's fine. If they pull their wallet out to pay every other time you go out, that's also fine. That's fair, and it's what should be expected. If someone always seems to be forgetting their wallet, or stays still and quiet when the bill arrives, never making an effort to pull out their wallet or reach for the bill, then that shows a clear expectation they have for you, where money is concerned. Maybe sometimes, one partner likes to pay more often than the other. Maybe they make more money, and that's the preference, and you're both fine with it. That's completely cool, if that's the arrangement that two people have with each other, and they're both completely comfortable with it. When one is constantly having to foot the bill because the other won't step up, and pay their share, that is definitely a sign that you are being used. If you're always footing the bill, it's time to start assessing things, and making some changes to how you go about things when you go out. We'll address how to successfully do this, later on.
Of course it's not possible for someone to be thinking of you, and catering to your potential wants and needs all of the time, but thoughtfulness really shines through in the little things that our partners do for us. When they grab themselves their favorite snack, and make sure that they grab yours for you, too. When they they do simple things like ask how your day has been, or if they're out, and they ask if there's anything that you need. All of these little things aren't much, but they really do mean a lot. Love is often best shown, through the smallest of actions. Actions, or lack thereof, pretty much say it all. When someone is willing to think of you, and put your wants, needs, etc, in front of their own, or at least on par with their own, that basically shows that they care, and that they aren't looking to gain anything by being with you. When you're in a situation however, where you're constantly being thoughtful, checking in, picking things up for them, making sure they have everything they may need, and you find that you're seldom, if ever, on the receiving end of the same courtesy and consideration, chances are that you're being used, or at the very least, being very much taken for granted, which feels equally terrible. We all want to feel appreciated, and even if we don't have this explained to us directly each day, having someone do the little things for us speaks volumes.
Sure, labels aren't the be all and end all of any relationship, but when you're having questions and doubts about the way things are, it's really nice to have some clarity in this area. Knowing where you stand with someone is really helpful when it comes to understanding where you're at in your relationship. Let's be honest, if someone is really into you, they will also want to know where you stand with each other. Generally speaking, when there is no desire to identify what you have, there is probably not much interest in having more than what you currently have, so it's a pretty good sign that you won't be going anywhere, and additionally, a good indicator that you could be BEING USED. This is tough, at the best of times, but it's actually a good time to start making some assessments, and drawing some clear lines in the sand, regarding your relationship, and where it could actually be going - if anywhere. Don't be afraid to ask the questions that you feel you need to ask. Anyone who values your feelings, is going to be happy to talk about these things with you, and also to take into consideration any feelings of uncertainty that you may be having about them, and your relationship.
Now that we've taken a look at some key indicators for whether or not you may be being used in your relationship, it's time to start putting some of these things together, taking a closer look at them, and, essentially, connecting the dots. When you're giving more than you're receiving, it can be really frustrating, and it can take its toll on you. Try not to continue down this path. The first thing any of us can do, when it comes to dealing with someone who may be using us, is to adjust our own behavior, and start making some changes when it comes to the things we do. See what happens when you make these changes. Are you being met with angry reactions? Do you feel that you are being resented for not giving as much as you were? If you're receiving any kind of negative reaction to making these kinds of changes, then that's a pretty good sign that you've been being used, and it's time to end the gravy train. You'll likely notice, as well, that the person who is using you starts to withdrawal from you, and really, that's not going to be a bad thing in the long run.
When you're giving more than you're receiving, and you're always seeming to be the one who's pulling out their wallet, because your partner will not, it is safe to say that, if you're paying attention, you've begun to connect the dots. This is sure to be a painful experience, and one that is sure to be connected to several different emotions, ranging from hurt to anger, but it's important that you recognize this, and start taking steps toward making this situation right. It's never going to be easy, but you owe it to yourself to take a closer look, and be honest with yourself about what you are seeing. Everyone deserves to be with someone who is thoughtful and considerate, and just because we really care for them, doesn't mean that we should be staying with them. We should never be settling for someone who doesn't extend us courtesy and caring. It will never end well, and the longer we remain in such a destructive dynamic, the harder it will end up being on us in the long run. When you've come to the conclusion that you're being used, it's really important that you don't waste any time confronting the situation, and likely, walking away from it. Feelings or no, being used is never okay, and there is no scenario under which this dynamic ever ends well, for anyone. Enabling a user won't do you - or them - any favors. Don't be afraid to cut your losses, and walk away.
Being in a situation where you're unable to articulate the status of your relationship, and the person you're with refuses to recognize it as anything other than spending time together, can be incredibly frustrating. Also, it's definitely a sign that you're being used, and that the person you're spending your time with doesn't see things going any further with you. This is always sad to realize, especially when you really care about the person, but it's also necessary to take the time to see things for what they are. Don't waste your time trying to convince yourself that you're in a relationship that's something it isn't. It's okay, and even necessary to walk away, before you end up getting to involved, and even start getting to a place where this behavior starts to seem normal. The two people in a relationship should both value it equally, and want to see it head to the same place. if you're not feeling that your partner is looking for the relationship to head in the same direction that you wish to see it head in, then they are not for you, and no amount of waiting and compromising on your part is going to change the situation.
Now that you've identified the problem, and you recognize that you're being used, it's time to do something about it. The time has come for you to address the user, and talk to them about this. The lines need to be drawn in the sand, and there needs to be a new dynamic established. Maybe your partner hadn't really given any of these things much thought, and they are apologetic, and eager to work things with you, so that you get get to a better place together. Maybe they've realized that they really do care about you, and it's time to start thinking about next steps in the relationship. All of these things are possible, of course. Most likely, however, you'll find that it's probably best for you to walk away, and move on with your life. Don't be afraid to take this step.
Now that you've addressed this with your partner, and you've discussed all of the pertinent issues and actions (or lake thereof), it's time to take a look at the situation, and decide whether or not you're going to stick around. Again, it's true that they simply hadn't thought about a lot of these things before, and that's okay. It happens. The important point, is the reason(s) they weren't thinking about things, or contributing as much as they should have been, or being as thoughtful as they should be, where you're concerned. This is also going to be a moment of truth for them, as they come face-to-face with the truth regarding whether or not you're someone who they actually want to be with, and move forward in a relationship with. Have a good talk about things. Share your thoughts with each other, and be honest about where you each stand. If what they're looking for isn't the same as what you're looking for, or vice versa, then it's okay to acknowledge that, and make the decision to part, amicably. It could even be that you find out, flat out, that this person is just a jerk, who was outright using you, in that case, you know what to do.
Well, you now have all of the information you need to make the decision that's best for you, it's time for you to make that decision, and start working towards it. If you've come to the conclusion that there was simply a lack of communication, but you're both interested in moving forward, then this is the time to start adjusting how you both go about doing things, and move forward. If it's a clear cut case of you being used, then it is time to walk away, unapologetically, and move on with your life. Don't waste any more of your valuable time on a person who doesn't see your value. When you need some great relationship advice, we've got what you need.
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