Being good in bed is relative. No one can say for sure if you're great in bed because sex preferences differ from person to person. What works for one of your partners might not work for the other. Everybody is different, and what your best friend considers great sex, you could consider just not for you. There are some pretty basic things that make you a good lover though, and thousands of people have narrowed down some important sex acts and behaviours. Don't worry too much if you can't cross everything off your list. There's always room to grow. Being open to new sexual experiences is what will take you from a beginner to advanced lover, and listening to your sex partners and welcoming feedback will automatically make you better overall. If you think you have it all figured out, you'll miss out on the opportunity to up your game. Being a good lover overall means experimenting and trying new things.
FreeHookups.com has the tell-all signs that you're either a really great lover, or need some sex advice & relationship advice to up your game in the sack. Even if you think that you're all that in bed, is it all in your head? It might not be something you want to face, but if you want to know for sure, there are some signs that can help you determine your sex status. Are you a sex god or sex rookie?
There's nothing worse than getting into the mood with someone only to have them rip their clothes off and start humping you like a jack rabbit. Unless you've been with someone for awhile, and slip in a quickie here and there, there's nothing remotely sexy about somebody 'getting off' and leaving you to finish the job by yourself. You don't have to be in love or thinking about a relationship, or any of that gushy stuff, to take your time and ease in slowly. Being a good lover means picking up on signals, learning to pick up on on subtle cues, and going with the flow, sometimes without even saying a word. If you can learn to master being sexually attentive to someone you've never had sex with before, you're sure to leave your lover begging for more. There's no rush to the finish line. Why just have sex, when you could have GREAT sex? No one wants to have bad sex. No sex is better than bad sex. If you are used to rushing through one night stands, try slowing down next time and really savouring the moment. If you're already a master at taking your time, then don't worry, you're doing it right.
Have you ever had a sexual encounter where the person you're with is uncomfortably quiet? There are few things worse than not knowing if the other person is enjoying themselves, and you only really know if they are by the moans and groans that periodically slip through them while you're making your moves. If you're the quiet one, you need to start making it known that you're present and letting the other person know what's good and what's not good. A simple "mhmm", or "uh uh", will be the difference between enjoying the moment, or wishing it would end faster. Making noise is great, and you can even take it further by throwing in some dirty talk. Not everyone is comfortable with sex talk, and that's okay, but if you have the confidence to throw some in every now and then, it could really make your sex session a whole lot hotter. Practice makes perfect, so if you're not a talker, try testing it out the next time you're in the sack and you might be pleasantly surprised at how much you like it. Communicating, however you choose to during sex is a must, but there's a fine line between making enough noise, and making too much noise. If you're putting on an act just for effect, stop. There's nothing worse than faking it. Don't be overly dramatic...this isn't an actual porno shoot. Be authentic, say what you like, moan and groan, do all of those things, but remember that you don't have to be 'extra' to have great sex.
Where do you fall on the noise scale during sex? Are you too loud? Too quiet? Or do you communicate just enough to get your point across and keep things sexy? If you've got your sex volume under control, you can cross that off the 'what it takes to be a great lover' list. This is one of the top traits great lovers have. If you've got this under control, you're doing great! If not, practice makes perfect.
When you're getting it on with a new partner, and they make the first move and start taking care of your needs first, do you return the favor? If you answered yes, then you're doing it right! If you answered no, then you might not be as great in bed as you think you are. Returning pleasure to your sex partner is part of the act, and if you selfishly allow them to please you and then leave them hanging, you're doing it wrong. If you want to be a better lover, you need to learn how to give what you receive, and sometimes give BEFORE receiving. Pleasing your lover is so important, especially if you're trying to earn that gold star for 'best lay'. If it's confidence you lack and you need some tips, there are a ton of how to's out there that are extremely helpful for the inexperienced lover. Something as simple as a sensual body oil massage, or asking what they like, and how they like it, will score you major points. 69'ing isn't the only way to please the opposite sex. Sometimes foreplay requires trying new moves that eventually lead to that. You might have to do a little research to find something you're comfortable with and until then, start with making sure that you reciprocate the foreplay every.single.time.
When you start having sex with someone new, you start to learn what the other person likes and then you tend to stick to those things because you know that they work. Getting stuck in a sex routine is great for a little while, but you should be able to sense when things need a little spicing up. If you've been doing the same things over and over again, maybe it's time to try something new. This doesn't mean that you have to switch things up entirely; you want to make sure you're still pleasing your partner, but maybe you add a new move in the mix every now and then. A little trial and error never hurt anyone, and it shows that you're excited to try new things and to experience different sex acts with your lover. That's a major turn on. Wanting to explore each other sexually shows that you're interested in continuing the affair, however short or long term it might be. Next time you're having sex, ask yourself if it's getting boring, and if you can answer yes, then you DEFINITELY need to try something new. If you're not sure what to try, ask your partner if there's anything that they want to try. They might have something in mind. If nothing comes to mind, try looking some stuff up together. Nothing will get you in the mood faster than exploring new sex acts together, and then trying them out on each other right after.
Sloppy sex can be awesome, but there's a time and place for it, and it shouldn't be your go-to every time you hook up. If you need to be tipsy to have sex, are you really that good in bed? You might think you're doing a great job, but alcohol can sometimes make you feel more confident than you are, and you might not be able to pick up on those subtle clues mentioned above if you're too wasted. Plus, you'll never know how great you can really be if you don't have your hookups when you're sober. At least try it a few times so that you can make some sort of sound judgement. If you have to drink to hook up, you're not experiencing sex like a true great lover. A great lover has a clear mind and is present and in the moment at all times. You're able to really connect with the person you're hooking up with if there's nothing affecting your abilities. If you don't agree, try it sometime and see for yourself how great it can be to have sober sex. Those shots that you had at the bar might make you feel like a sex god, but in reality, if you're too drunk to get it up all the way, or you're drier than the Sahara, what are you even doing it for. Remember that first impressions last, and being a drunken mess the first time you hook up with someone new could be a complete disaster. Don't let that be the thing they remember you for. You want to be the hottest hookup they've ever had, not the biggest disappointment. Remember that before you decide to get wasted before a sure fling.
So, are you as great of a lover as you think you are? Or do you need some help in the sex department? It's okay not to be the best of the best. There's always room to get better, and remember that not everyone has the same preferences. If you are working at being a better lover then learn to ask for feedback, and then learn from it. You'll have a pretty good idea of how good you are during the act itself, but it doesn't hurt to ask your lovers what they liked and didn't like. Some of the dislikes will help you with the next. Being a good lover also means that you give feedback, and open yourself up to being honest about what you want and don't want. Being a good lover isn't all about giving, but how you act during sex, too. If you're more open, honest and sexual, you'll have a much better experience than if you don't say anything at all. The more experienced you get, the better your sexual encounters will be. This doesn't necessarily mean that you have to have sex with hundreds of people, it just means that the more you do it, the more you new things you try, and the more open you are, you'll automatically learn the tricks that make you desirable to your lover/s.
If you think you have it all figured out, you should know that sex isn't measured by one strict formula. There are many different aspects to sex that make it good or bad. If you're closed off to the idea of getting better, and you think you're already the best you could be, you're missing out on being great and feeling true pleasure and satisfaction. No one ever has it all figured out. Even the best of lovers could still learn a thing or two. Even if you're with the same person for years, things could change. You should always be open to listening to your partner because they may be ready to ask for things that they were too shy to ask at first. You always want to open up that sex conversation to see where you and your partner could get better. The more you talk about it and the more open you are to whatever you might hear, the better your sex will be. Don't let sex get boring. The only way to keep things hot and passionate is to be open to change, and to make the conversation about pleasure be as comforting as possible. If you ever get weird about what someone asks you to do in bed, you could risk shutting them down for good, and then you'll never know how great it could be.
Being a great lover takes time. It takes patience and a deep understanding of what the other person really wants. Being both equally selfless and selfish during a hookup is important, and tuning into another person’s unsaid wants and needs is a skill that takes time to craft and perfect. You will need to work at becoming the sex god that you want to, but if you're serious about getting better, and you want to have the best sex of your life every time you hit the sheets, you will put in that work. If you let your ego take over, you risk a life of mediocre sex, and just thinking about that should put things into perspective. Sex should always be pleasureful and if you find that you're 50/50 on the good sex/ bad sex scale, something needs to change. Even if you can tick off all of the signs above that point to you being a great lover, you could still always learn and get even better. Maybe instead of thinking you've achieved it all, rate the signs in order of what you think you do really well, and what you do but could do better. Work on the things that need to be worked on and up your game even more. There's nothing sexier than humility in a lover and knowing that they want to figure out what pleases you and will do anything to make that happen.
If you really want to wow your sexual partners, give them exactly what they want. Make them feel like there's no one in the world but you and them for the moment that you're together, and you won't even have to wonder if you're great at sex, you'll be able to feel it. Being a great lover is a huge accomplishment, and if you want it bad enough, you'll make it happen. Remember to accept that there might be work to do, but that doesn't mean that you're not already well on your way to being that lover that lingers on your partner's mind for years. Be the one that your past flings bring up to their friends when reminiscing about past sex sessions. Leave a mark that will last a lifetime. Great lovers are those that know what they're good at, stick to it, and then learn even more, and practice, practice, practice. Reading this article is a sign that you want to be a better lover than you are, and that makes you a pretty great lover already.