Freehookups.com wants to help you spot the signs of sex addiction. We also want to let you know that this is an addiction, much like drugs and alcohol, and there are steps they need to take to get better. Sex addicts are not all bad people. Some sex addicts are amazing people who are fighting their own internal battles.
We hear the term ‘sex addict’ and give ourselves a little giggle. How can someone be a sex addict? You can’t be addicted to sex…can you? We need to stop looking at sex addiction as a joke. It’s something that can seriously effect your relationship, and if you are a sex addict, you know the struggle it takes to maintain a relationship. If you feel like you are dating a sex addict, here are the signs to look for, and how to handle those situations.
A sex addict is someone who is addicted to sex; it’s more than just liking sex and needing to have it all the time. It’s about being so addicted to that climactic release that you can’t think or do anything else. Your whole life becomes all about getting that feeling back, the same way a coke addict constantly needs to do coke to feel that high again. It’s not an addiction to be taken lightly. While it’s not substance abuse, it’s a self mutilation type of abuse. They wreck their relationships without a second thought, because they put their addictions need first.
For those of you who don’t know what to look for, those of you who don’t know if you are one or not, or if you are just curious about sex addiction, we have come up with a list of signs that you should be looking for.
One common thing about all sex addicts is that they’ve normally never been able to hold down a stable relationship. Whether it’s because they are too intense about sex, their partner feels weird about the amount they masturbate ,or they have to have an outlet for sex outside of the relationship, they can’t keep a relationship going.
It’s hard to handle someone who has a sex addiction. You need to know that this is not about you. They want to remain faithful to you, they want the sex they have with you to be something meaningful, however, there are times when they just need the release - and sometimes they can’t do that with you. If they turn to someone else for a sexual release, you need to look at this not as cheating, but as getting a fix that you can’t provide - like needing a heroin dose, it’s not something you can ask your partner to get for you.
If you can handle it, things can change, but only if the addict wants them to. The only way to get to over an addiction is to want to get help. Let them know that you are there for them and want them to get help.
Being a liar isn’t intentional with most of them. Some of them are liars because they feel like if they let you know who they truly are, you will reject them. The majority of sex addicts have experienced so much rejection in their lives that it is not uncommon for them to push people away, and to lie about who they are and what they do. This is a way for them to make sure that you don’t decide you don’t want to deal with them. If they lie to you and tell you what you want to hear, they think that you will like them.
For addicts, like a lot of people, sometimes letting people know the truth is hard. They fear rejection, they fear you will not want to be with them, or be around them, or want any part of them. Sometimes they lie because they need to, it’s in their nature to lie about things. Addicts lie. Sometimes it’s to protect you from seeing who they really are, sometimes it’s because they are rude and deceitful. As with any addiction, there are two types of addicts; the ones who want help, and the ones who don’t care. Just remember that.
For people with a sex addiction who don’t want to get help, this is where they live. They live in the house of manipulation, like a sociopath. Nothing is their fault; they want you to feel like you are doing something wrong, and that’s why they need to find solace in someone else. You aren’t giving them what they need. You are the reason they can’t stop their addiction. Maybe if you put out more they wouldn’t have to go to other people. These are all common lines that people who suffer from sex addiction use. They are geared to make you feel bad.
When situations like this occur, you need to remember that it is not coming from them, it is their addiction talking. They will say anything they need to push the blame off themselves. When dealing with this, just hold strong. Don’t crack, and don’t let them hurt you. When they see that everything they say doesn’t land, it will let them know that they can’t hurt you. They can only hurt themselves. It’s a defence tactic.
The thing about sex addiction is that sometimes they will need to go outside the relationship to find someone. We talked about this earlier, but let’s talk more in depth about it now. Cheating to them isn’t actually cheating, because it’s an addiction. They don’t mean to hurt you.
If they want help, then these are usually just slip ups. These are usually just to get something out of their system. While they would like to not do it and focus their attention on you, sometimes it’s harder than that. They would rather shield you from the pain they are going through and lie to you to make you feel better. The last thing they want is to hurt you. They want to overcome their addiction, but it is hard for them.
If they don’t want to get help, then they are doing it because they don’t care. Their addiction has taken over, and they will hook up with whoever they feel like, whether it hurts you or not. To them, their addiction is everything and they don’t care what it feels like to you. They will always make it seem like it’s your fault they have to do it. You aren’t good enough, you don’t do enough for them, whatever the reason, but it’s not the truth.
This might seem like a strange one, but sex addicts always masturbate. Even after sex they will masturbate. The same way that heroin addicts are constantly seeking that high, sex addicts are constantly seeking that feeling of euphoria. They need that feeling, and they need it often. As they grow as an addict, sometimes it becomes harder for them to reach that feeling alone, so they begin to sleep around and meet new people. They might even get into newer fetishes to help them reach that climax that they have been seeking.
A huge sign of sex addiction is masturbating a lot. If your partner is only doing it like a few times a week, or after you fall asleep, that is normal - that is how everyone does things. That is a normal, healthy amount to masturbate. With sex addicts, we are talking obscene amounts of masturbating - like several times a day, at work in bathroom stalls, etc. It becomes more of a priority then eating, sleeping, or being with you. This is sex addict territory.
Don’t assume they are doing it because they don’t find you attractive anymore. That is not the case - you might be the most attractive person they ever met and they will still jerk off to whatever image pops into their brain first. This has nothing to do with you.
Sex addicts, like many other addicts, are secretive. They hide their phone, they don’t tell you where they are or what they are doing. They focus only on themselves and they keep everything a secret. They keep secrets because they are ashamed, and they want to hide parts of their life from you. They are ashamed that they have copious amounts of pornography on their phone, or that they are messaging other people instead of just focusing on you.
Being secretive is a tricky one to use to determine whether or not someone is a sex addict though. They could just be a cheating douche bag. You need to combine this sign with other red flags to really prove anything. Also, we know it is going to suck, but you need to stay strong and not start stalking their every move.
Another trait that could be cause for concern in your partner is if they are overly controlling, sexually speaking. They always initiate sex, like 24/7. They are forward in bed about what they want and how they want it done, they want things to be their way, because their satisfaction is the most important thing. You might begin to feel used after a while. They also might get angry if you feel as though you are not in the mood for sex and just want to cuddle. Sex becomes plenty more complicated when dating a sex addict.
Sex is no longer something you two do because it is fun. You do it because they need to do it all the time. It becomes more like a chore than it does an act of pleasure. There is rarely an emotional attachment involved, which is great when you are trying to just hookup with someone no strings attached, but if you truly care about this person, it becomes hard to have sex knowing that it doesn’t mean the same to them as it does to you.
Everyone flirts, this is just our nature as humans. However, things are different when a sex addict flirts. They do it because they need that validation and assurance that if you stop wanting to have sex with them, they can find someone immediately, so they will flirt with everyone they see and meet. If you two are casually hooking up, it shouldn’t be a big deal, but if you two are serious and committed, this will be a huge issue. Sex addicts will act on impulse. They might not want to, but they might still do it. That is the downside of dating them. While you might want them to remain faithful, there are no guarantees in this line of dating.
This is another one that can be tricky to account for. People sometimes get an STD their first time they have sex. However, with sex addicts, they might have a history of STD’s, or have several STD’s at once. This is something they might lie to you about. They might even accuse you of giving them one to cover their tracks. You need to get yourself checked out on a regular basis. If you are dating a sex addict, you need to be prepared. You need to always wear a condom and you need to always make sure that you are on birth control - you don’t want to end up with an unexpected surprise.
Trust is a very strong trope in relationships. You need trust in order to make things work. Dating a sex addict can really do a number on your trust issues, not just in that relationship, but with every relationship that follows this one. You begin to wonder if everyone you date from then on is cheating on you, if they are using you for sex, or if they are constantly lying to you. This can cause friction in all of your future relationships.
When your trust has been broken, it is very hard to get back to that place where you can trust people again. This will then cause more friction in your future relationships. It’s hard, and it leaves a permanent scar on you. It takes a while to gain back that trust that you need to have a healthy relationship, however, it is not impossible to do.
If you are a sex addict, and you want to get better, we can give you some sex advice to help you out. The first thing you need to do is want to get better. Admit that you have a problem, and that you truly want to get better, not just for your sake, but for others sake.
It’s ok to admit that you can’t do it alone - you need a support team. Get your partner to help you out as well. Talk to a doctor or a therapist, and get to the root of things. You just need to really want to get better and know that you can always turn to them if things are feeling like they are getting out of control.
Another big part of recovery is that you will need to abstain from sex. This will be hard at first. Like any other addiction, the withdrawal is the hardest part. You will crave it, you will go crazy, your body will shut down on you. You just need to push through it. After the first few days, you will feel a lot better, and each day after that you will get better and better.
You just need to stick with it. Get hobbies, go out with friends, travel. The best way to stay clear of your addiction is to keep yourself occupied. People often say that replacing one addiction with another addiction helps, but not in every case. Just get a hobby you like doing. Start going to the gym more, train for a marathon, learn a different language.
We hope that all the information we have given you has provided you with the tools you need to pick out the signs of sex addiction. If you are dating a sex addict, or just realizing now that you might be a sex addict, there is always help. We only want what’s best for you.
No one will judge you if you decide that you can’t handle being with a sex addict. Dating a sex addict is hard - they can be mean, they can hurt you on purpose. They can really have a way about themselves to make you feel horrible. Don’t feel like you need to be with them. As much as we all want to help people with addiction, sometimes you just need to help yourself first.
FreeHookups.com is here to help you deal with your sex addiction, help you with a sex addict, or introduce you to someone new. There is always an option, whether its with someone knew, or helping with the person you already have.