Dating is, of course, the spice of life, but what happens if the person you have been seeing for months drops out, and you are left wondering ‘WTF’? Things were great, you were always hooking up, he texted you all the time, he had cute nicknames for you…so what happened? Why did things end?
Then it dawns on you: Was I just a hookup? There is confusing ground between ‘were you a girlfriend?’ and ‘were you just a hookup and there is nothing more to it?’. When they leave, they leave you with a million questions, and how are you suppose to know what to think? Freehookups wants to help you realize that maybe your hookup was nothing more than just a one time thing.
It sucks to have it brought to your attention that you were nothing but a hookup for someone when you thought it was something more. However, if they won’t give you the closure that you need to move on, then let us help you out with that. While it does suck, at least some measure of closure is better than no closure at all. It’ll help you move on and look for these signs in the future.
Looking back on your torrid affair, did you notice that they never invited you anywhere? Most nights when they called you to hang out, was it way later in the night, and it was simply to hook up? This is a common sign of being just a hookup. While they might make you feel that they are just SO busy that they can only see you at night, you must have known in your heart of hearts that this was never the case. It sucks to think about, but honestly, in the end, it’s better to know then not know. If they didn’t invite you to go out anywhere, even the movies on cheap night, they only saw you as a hook up.
If all your hangouts, dates, whatever, were a lot of Netflix and chill, or drinks at their place, or something along those lines, then you were definitely a hookup. They might have made you think that you weren’t, but you totally were. If they wanted to take you out on a real date, then they would have. Those types of dates are only in hookup territory.
Sure, you two must have texted and called a whole bunch, but take off those rose colored glasses and answer these questions. Did your conversation often turn to sex quickly? Did they only call or text you to see if you were free for a hook up, then sort of ended the conversation when you said you were busy? Really think about it; take a moment and really think about everything you two talked about when you weren’t together. How did the conversation go? How long did it last after you said you couldn’t meet up that night? Did they even respond if you told them you missed them? This is heavily into hookup only territory.
While you were busy spilling your heart and soul out to them about your life, your schooling, your job, your friends, whatever, what did they do? Did they tell you they had a similar experience? Did they ever talk about the town they came from? Let us take a stab in the dark about what they talked about. Random parties they had gone too? They probably find an excuse to bring up someone else they had hooked up for no reason other than to remember that they have hooked up with someone else.
Looking back, can you tell us what they did for a living, or what college they went to? Do you all of a sudden remember that you did most of the talking? That’s typical a hookup move. If you are talking all the time and they are just asking questions, you start to feel wanted, but actually, it is a clever tactic they used to keep the attention off of them. If you are always talking. that means that they aren’t, which is the perfect situation for them - you feel wanted, and they don’t feel like they’ve led you on.
When you text them to see what they are doing on Saturday night, did they ignore the message, but then at 2am they call to see if you were still awake? This is a typical hookup move. If they tell you where they are, that leaves them open for you to show up and spoil the fun for them, and it leaves the door open for you to keep asking them questions about what they are doing, who they are with, what time you will be home, etc. If they never tell you what they are doing, then they won’t feel like they are in a relationship, and they won’t feel the need to tell you anything until they want to. Usually by that point, they are half in the bag and just want to come over so they can hook up, and then sleep in your bed but bail before breakfast.
The entire time you two hooked up, did you ever get invited to go over to their parents place? Did they ever ask you to come and grab a drink with them and their friends? Or was there always a reason to never actually meet his friends or his family? Granted, meeting someone’s family is a big step, but meeting the friends is super casual. So, if they didn’t even do the bare minimum of introducing you to their friends, than there is a solid chance that you were just a hookup.
Did you encounter a situation where you were out with your friends and you bumped into them and their friends, and they still didn’t introduce you? They probably acted like they barely knew you. At most, they probably gave you a half assed hug. This is a sure sign they never saw you has anything more than a hookup.
If you asked them if they were free, did they just say they were busy and that was that? They probably went out with people all the time, maybe even members of the opposite sex. Maybe when they were out with them, you never heard from them all night. This can make anyone crazy with jealousy. The worst is if you see them sitting with someone, and you text or call them, and you can clearly see them screen their calls or tell you something different from what they are doing. This can hurt. This can cut deeply. However, this was also a sure fire sign that you were a hookup, and didn’t mean as much to them as they meant to you.
Whenever you tried bringing up the "what do I call you?" talk, they always avoided it. That was one thing they were super good at - they could change the conversation or bring something else up, and make you forget you ever asked it. They never liked the idea of you two being a thing, because it was so good when you two were casual. When you ask them "what you two are?", did they respond with "we’re having fun, aren’t we having fun? Let’s just be together and enjoy what we got." That’s hookup speak for "I am not serious about you and I don’t plan on getting serious with you". If you got this at least once, you were nothing more than a hookup, and we can guarantee that.
When they stayed the night at your place, let’s break down that night and morning for you. Were they sober when they showed up? Was it after 1am? If you answered yes to one of those questions, you were nothing more than a hookup. It sucks to say, but it is the honest truth. Really, take a look back on your relationship with them, and see how every morning after looked.
Let’s now discuss the morning after. Did they ever stay long enough for a cup of coffee? Was there always something that they needed to do that morning? Did they ever stay long enough to see you wake up? These are the questions you need to think about when looking back on your relationship with them. It’s less about what happened Saturday nigh, and more abouot how they handled Sunday morning. Sunday morning is always the true test of what you mean to them.
This sucks. We all know it. However, you can never bring it up to someone, because then you seem crazy, and they will make you seem that way. They will openly flirt with someone, but when you call them on it, they will tell you it’s not a big deal, and that they weren’t flirting - yet you know they were. Even explaining this makes you sound crazy. That’s why they do it. Even though you are right, they can spin it to make it look like you are the crazy one. This is called gas-lighting, and it’s a shady tactic.
Sometimes people can be so honest at the end of something that we don’t even give it a second thought. We just ignore it. They may have told you that all you two were was hooking up, but you heard was something completely different, because you are stuck in this mindset that you two were together. Just because they said something doesn’t mean you really heard it. They may have been telling you the whole time you two weren’t together, that this was just a hookup, but feelings can sometimes clog the ears - it happens to the best of us. Our bodies and our minds just tell us what they want to hear. Your person spends the night, but bails in the morning, and we will take with a grain of salt, because "they probably had to work early". Even though, if we weren’t in love, we could’ve clearly seen that they left because we are just a hook up. Sometimes they are clear, and it’s our mind in the end that screw us over. It sucks to say, but love is stronger than any sort of logic.
However you decide to handle finding this information out is completely up to you. We all cope in different ways - some of us go out and have angry sex with a stranger (which Freehookups can help you find), some of us need to cry, and some of us need to punch a wall. Now, having said all of this, if this relationship (or lack thereof) meant to something to you, then you need to deal with it in a way that works for you. We don’t recommend getting drunk and calling them up to confront them. That will only make you sound crazy and give them more ammo against you.
Again, we are not you, and if you feel like you need to call them and give them a piece of your mind, then go for it. However, this does not come without repercussions, so you need to be careful and tread lightly with what you say. We won’t stand in your way of your healing process, we are all different in that aspect.
If you are still with them, sort of, and you want to take things to the next level, because you feel as though you are falling into strictly hookup terms, we can help with that. While it is hard to do, it is not impossible. You need to start doing some subtle things. Make plans for the future. Ask him if he wants to go a Rangers game (or something they might be interested in) in a month because you have an extra ticket. This will keep them around longer. Friend their ass on all social media. Maybe not all at once, but slowly work your way there. If they don’t follow you back, or if they don’t care, than drop it. Don’t be a social media stalker. However, if they do take the bait, then you got them. You are slowly getting more involved in their life. You could even try commenting on their post or on a photo and see what they do in response!
Try changing up your sexual routine with them. Make them see you at some point during the week. Make them meet you for coffee before a hookup. It’s like secretly making them date you without even realizing it, it’s perfect! When they ask if you want to hook up, be like "yeah meet me at such and such coffee house and we can go from there". When they do meet you there, make sure your drink is to stay and play the "they screwed up my to go so we might as well stay here, want anything?" card. It is the perfect way to make them hang out with you in a non-bedroom setting.
At some point you need to ask yourself if you really want to be with this person. Yes, they might be great in bed, but are they a good person? Are they someone you could see yourself being with? Be honest. If you are just doing this so you can get a relationship going with someone, then you need to rethink some things in your life.
If you feel like you are always available, then make yourself less available. Start being busy when they call. Go out with other people. Make it known that if they are going to play you like that, then you will play them that way too. Once they realize that you don’t see yourself as being taken, they will want to take you off the market. Hookups don’t like seeing their hookups hooking up with someone else.
There are a million and one ways to turn a hookup into a relationship, but at the end of the day, if they don’t want to be with you, they just won’t be with you. You need to face the facts: worst case scenario, you end up alone, for now. You got this though babe. There are always a million other fish in the sea, and there is someone out there who wants to spend their time with you.
We hope that our list has brought you some much needed closure. Just because you were only a hookup to them, does not mean you will just be a hookup to someone else. You know what to look for now, so can stop it early on before it gets too far again, and you get hurt. Freehookups has plenty of people for you to meet tonight and help you on your healing process.