Dating someone can always be a trip. You never know what you are going to get out of this at first. You take a deep breath and jump in, but something doesn’t feel right. That other person seems wonderful and they seem to like you a lot, but something is off. How do you know if they are who they really are? Freehookups wants to help give you the signs you need to identify a sociopath.
We aren’t saying that all the signs add up to sociopath, but we aren’t saying that even if they are a sociopath they may not exhibit these signs. We are providing a list of common traits of a sociopath. As well, not all sociopaths are mean, some are just like everybody else only slightly different. We want to give you the information you need to make informed choices.
While there is nothing worst than a regular person who is dramatic, imagine throwing a sociopath into that mixture. They understand what words hurt and what cuts deep and they aren’t afraid to throw it at you. Not to mention, they will often shift the tables. They can make a big deal out of anything just to throw blame at someone else. They don’t care about how the other person feels as long as they aren’t the ones in trouble.
They are very good at playing the victim card. They will blame anything and everything on something terrible that happened to them and that’s why they are the way they are. They might even lie about things to make them sound even more wounded. They play this card so that you will pity them and feel bad for them, which leads to you always saying you’re sorr,y even though it wasn’t your fault. It also leads to you taking care of them. Sociopaths would rather not take care of themselves if they have the option of someone else doing it for them.
This is how they get you. Sociopaths are charming as all hell. They can tell you the exact things you want to hear in exactly the way you want to hear it. They know how to do this because they are practiced manipulators. If they want to take you home, they will figure out a way to do it. They will tell you how beautiful you are, how sexy you are, how there is a hundred people in this room and they can’t take their eyes off of you. As a woman, this is everything we want to hear from a man. We want to be swept off our feet and have that perfect romcom moment. That’s why it makes us easy targets. It sucks to say, but we all want that fairytale ending and that story of "we saw each other across a crowded room and knew right then and there it was love." A sociopath will play into that fantasy big time.
Ever see the opening scene of American Psycho where Christian Bale obsessed over his workout routine and daily facial peels? That is the perfect example of how sociopaths are. They will find a meticulous way to getting themselves in shape, what they put into their bodies, how they look, etc. They care about everything. They want people to know that they are the best and they are disciplined, but really it’s just another tactic they use.
This is the most common trait of a sociopath, because they lack guilt or shame or remorse. While you might feel bad that you killed a mouse in your apartment, they will pick up and throw it out the window without so much as a second thought. That’s why the sociopathic stereotype of them being serial killers is so real because they have the power to do things without feeling guilty about it. It can make them seem powerful on the outside, like he’s your hero, but there is nothing behind that motion. He just did what he felt like doing and didn’t care for the consequences.
You two have a lot in common, like almost too much in common. Sociopaths are great at faking moments. You love the Mets, so do they. You grew up in a small town, what a coincidence. They can make it seem like you two are meant for each other. That’s why they will always ask the questions and respond accordingly to your answers. They will shy away from talking about themselves because they would rather fool you into thinking there is something cosmic happening between you two. Did you just find your soulmate in this sociopath? They will make you think so.
Most people think that sociopaths are loners and spend their time alone. That is only half true. While yes, they are usually loners in the sense that they would rather be alone. They like to spend time with people. However, when it comes to dating, they want to spend all their time with you. They want you every second of every day. They will make you feel special, and they will spoil you until you wake up one morning and realize it’s been two months since you have seen any of your friends. A sociopath will make you feel like all you have in the world is them.
There is a good chance that they will have a massive ego. Granted, this can also be confused with you just dating a douchebag. Sociopaths tend to have large egos because they feel the need to make it known how much better they are than everyone else. This falls back to their no shame trait. They will boast about their job, and possibly cut you down a little bit in the process because you aren’t doing as well as they are. They need the validation in life that they are better than other people. It’s superficial, but to them it is everything.
They will happily cheat on you, without a second thought, but the moment you go have coffee with just a friend, they will lose their minds. They need to control who you talk to and who you hang out with. Suddenly you won’t see any of the people you used to spend a lot of time with because you are being controlled. They want you all to themselves, but also want the freedom to do as they please.
Another thing is that sometimes jealousy will lead to violence. It doesn’t happen every time, but it does happen. They might not be violent towards you, but they may start a fight. This is something serious to watch out for. Your safety is top priority. Don’t stay with someone if you are scared.
Now this can happen to a lot of people who have a traumatic past, so don’t confuse this trait with them being a sociopath unless you can combine it with other traits. Most sociopaths have some sort of trauma in their past that lead them to be the way that they are. They will always play the victim card because of it and they will never open up either because it is too horrifying or too made up. Along with being a liar, they will make up lies about their own past to make you feel like you have helped them get through their trauma while ignoring your own.
As well as not having a link to the past, you will notice that they have more than likely never held down a good stable relationship before. There is a good chance that all their relationships ended after a few months and that it’s probably the other person’s fault. Making themselves the victim once again. If you for some reason ever meet an ex of theirs, we bet that they went through the exact same thing that you are going through right now.
They want you to spend all your time with them and only them for as long as possible. At first, it’s sweet, but then they want you to stop texting and being on your phone when you are together. This is a reasonable request except you are never not together. You begin to not see your friends and family as much and wonder how this happen. Without you realizing it, they have taken over your whole social scene including seeing your mom. When you do go out, they make sure that you leave early or bring them with you, so you can leave early when they get uncomfortable.
A common issue with sociopaths is that they are sexually charged all the time. They will always be trying to get into your pants and if you refuse, they will find someone else. Christian Grey from Fifty Shades Of Grey is a great example of this. He is sexually charged throughout that whole movie and half the time it barely matters if Anastasia is. That’s not the point. The point is that he gets to dominate and take control and she can either deal with it or not have him.
One thing sociopaths are good at it is manipulating. They have a million different ways of getting what they want. They might get angry, get sweet with you, make you feel wanted or neglected. They will do what they have to in order to get their way. In the beginning, you thought you two were soulmates, but they knew exactly what to say and how to say it, then you realize that they will say or do anything to get their way. It’s easier for you to be wrong than to fight a losing battle with someone like this.
One that’s amazing about a sociopath is that in the beginning you think you are moving too fast, but it feels so right so you keep going. Suddenly, you realize that you are in way over your head in this relationship with them. They are saying they love you within the first month and at first it was romantic, but now it just feels kind of scary. You realize that things moved so fast, but you can’t back track because they won’t let you.
When we describe what we have described here, there is a very easy way of getting confused about whether you are dating a sociopath or just a jerk? There is a huge difference. Christian Bale in American Psycho is a total sociopath however, Sean William Scott in American Pie is just a plain old jerk. One cares so much about himself that he doesn’t understand why you would think that’s wrong of him to do the things that he does to get where he needs to be. While the other is aware of what they are doing and doesn’t care if it hurts you, but every now and then, they might actually show a sign of remorse.
Showing remorse or guilt is a way to tell if they are a sociopath or just a dick. Some guys will hurt you and then cry about it and actually try to make amends, while a sociopath will just hurt you because it helps them out in the end and they don’t show empathy for other people. They would only apologize if they knew it would benefit them.
So, when in the dating scene, make sure you can tell the difference between one and the other. Yeah, the jerk might hurt your feelings once or twice and you might not last as long, itt will not be as emotionally scarring as a sociopath.
Ok, so you have decided you can handle being with a sociopath. This is, of course, because more than likely, they fall into the category of the not mean sociopaths. Not all sociopaths are mean, some are really great people who just see the world and feel differently. The number one thing to remember is patience. If you are patient with them and never start a fight, always remain calm, because this will help them ease up to you. They will see that you aren’t going anywhere and that you do want to be with them and there is no need for manipulation.
If they screw up, before you can even let them explain and blame and manipulate, talk to them. Show them that you know what they are doing and they won’t hurt or control you. When you refuse to give up your control, you hold a lot of the power within your relationship. This is going to irritate them for a while, but they will come around once they see that you are not trying to hurt them.
If you can handle being with a sociopath, then you will find someone who will want to be with you all the time and like being with you all the time. A lot can be said for something like that.
If you are a sociopath, you have probably come to terms with that. If you are just realizing now that you are a sociopath by reading this, don’t freak out. Just understand where this article is coming from. People who aren’t sociopaths need to learn how to handle those who are. This doesn’t make you a bad person, it just makes you misunderstood. You want the relationship or hookups to last as long as possible and they will once people understand what they are getting into. You aren’t a bad person and you aren’t hard to love. We are just trying to guide some ships through some rough waters.
We hope that some of these signs will help you determine if you are dating a sociopath and what to do about it. Don’t feel like you need to stay with them if they are hurting you, but if they aren’t hurting you, don’t feel like you need to leave either. You are in control of this situation and whatever you think will be best for you will be best for you.
Freehookups wants to help you find what you are looking for, while also having fun doing it. Check out more of our relationship advice articles for ideas or browse through profiles and see who you might meet tonight.